


Love Will Have Its Sacrifices

by TheSpaminator



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, F/F, Graphic Violence, I Made Myself Cry, I am so sorry, it got really intense guys, major angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 19:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4404395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSpaminator/pseuds/TheSpaminator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My wild and crazy theory on what happens when we finally see the giraffe shirt. Super angsty, violent, gory, and heartbreaking. I stuck as much as possible to the things we see in the behind the scenes photos so although I'm sure the actual show won't be much like this (if it is at all even) it should be fairly accurate based on what I have to go on pre-episodes.</p><p>I am so so sorry guys.</p><p>Post s2, ep15</p><p>Find me on the internet: <a href="http://www.twitter.com/sampaicamfin">Twitter</a>, <a href="http://www.thespaminator.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Will Have Its Sacrifices

      Laura slowly blinked herself into consciousness. She hadn’t been sleeping all that well since the break up, and Carmilla being in the same house wasn’t helping matters. Seeing her everyday only served to remind her of the cold and dull ache in her chest that used to be filled with warmth and an almost stifling number of butterflies whenever she was in the vampire’s presence.

 

      Whenever she woke from her now inevitably restless and nightmare filled dreams she felt momentary hope that that’s all her current situation was. A nightmare. Then the reality sets in and shrouds the light in her eyes with the realization that it was worse than a nightmare. A nightmare she can wake up from and leave behind. She can’t escape the reality. 

 

      This happened every morning, and it was now the only time she really allowed herself to feel the depth of her pain and fears. She had been more open about her pain in the beginning, but after crying into Danny’s chest she forced her old facade of happiness and joviality onto her protesting and betrayed body. 

 

      Maintaining that image was exhausting and starting to really wear on her. 

 

      She sighed and squeezed her eyes tight in preparation for the rest of the day. Then she opened them and with a single minded determinism, Laura pushed herself up and out of the bed, bare feet landing on the plush throw rug on the hardwood floor. She spread her toes in it, momentarily revelling in the fact that she can still feel something somewhere in her body.

 

      When the feeling dulled she stood and moved to find clothes. She didn’t bother to really pick anything out specifically, if it was clean she was satisfied. She blindly pulled them on, only partway through realizing she was putting on a pair of teal pants, a white blouse with little giraffes decorating it and a denim jacket. 

 

      Laura finished dressing and she swept her hair over a shoulder before walking to the bedroom door. She closed her eyes for a moment, attempting to shove all her darkest thoughts and fears into the most unused corner of her mind. The brunette breathed a deep breath and opened her eyes as she resolutely swung the door open.

 

      She made her way downstairs and into the lounge room with her equipment. She had to do another SNN video with Mattie and she preferred to get them out of the way first thing, since the gratuitous lying and twisting of the truth by Matska made her sick to her stomach. She would eat after the sensitive organ had settled down following the broadcast.

 

      Laura sat herself down in front of the desk, expecting Mattie at any moment. She could hear Perry in the kitchen, probably making cookies or brownies. The woman tended to wake up rather early and start stress baking almost immediately, soon followed by LaF and JP who together, only managed to heighten Perry’s stress levels. They didn’t realize it and it was not the best trend to be witness to, but LaF’s eagerness to fix things with Perry didn’t really help as much as they wanted it to. Perry needed time to process.

 

      And Carmilla? She was probably in the solarium. Lately she was spending much of her time up there instead of in the lounge with the others. Laura wasn’t sure what exactly motivated the vampire to adopt this new habit, she had realized with a pang that she didn’t know the raven haired beauty as well as she’d thought.

 

      Exactly on schedule, Mattie walked through the door and into the lounge, striking an imposing figure behind Laura who didn’t even turn to look at her. She shuffled a few papers and simply spoke over her shoulder at the chair of the Silas board of governors.

 

      “So what is it going to be this time? Maybe the loose Chupacabra eating the veterinary branches goats will turn into a donation to the medical wing’s morgue for continued experience opportunities? Maybe the cannibal chef in the cafeteria cooking students will be a culinary experiment in alternate proteins? Or maybe the flesh eating insects stowing away in people’s laundry and then eating them will become a new weight loss fad? Am I close?” 

 

      All Laura got in response was that infernal laughter Mattie was famous for. The brunette gritted her teeth and finally rolled her head around and looked at the woman standing in the middle of the room.

 

      Mattie’s laughter trailed off and she looked at Laura with her head tilted to the side in curiosity. “Oh my darling child. You are getting quite good at this. I am glad to know you’ve recognized the error of your ways and have seen things from my perspective.” Matska pressed her hands to her chest in mock delight and the smile on her face was entirely fake and patronizing.

 

      Her expression quickly morphed into one of quiet determination and something that made Laura’s skin crawl. She ignored the urge to shiver and avert her eyes.

 

      “No Laura. That is not what is going to happen today. Not by a large margin my dear.” She dropped her hands and she cocked an eyebrow at the journalism major as she strode with confidence and complete ownership towards the far corner of the room. She toyed with a few objects on the surfaces there and she studied them with a practiced eye as she continued to ignore Laura.

 

      “Gee, thanks for the totally not vague or non-threatening information. I feel so much better now.” Laura rolled her eyes and looked back at her desk surface, sorting the papers she had that related to the video they were supposed to be shooting.

 

      Laura felt the cold in her chest creeping in and she shoved at it as forcefully as she could back into the recesses of her chest cavity, willing the pain to lessen lest it incapacitate her. To distract herself she stood up and walked to stand near Mattie, next to the wall and facing the woman who still had her back to her. 

 

      The journalism major had opened her mouth and taken a breath to speak to Mattie when, as though she’d known her absence was felt, Carmilla strode into the room. She was all leather pants matched with a black t-shirt and leather vest, and finally paired with her combat boots. Laura couldn’t help herself with Carmilla though, and she turned to look at her much like she hadn’t with Mattie not long ago. The jolt of warmth in her chest betrayed her depth of feeling still for the woman and Laura fought the sting of tears behind her eyes at the impassive glance that swept right past her from the woman she had realized she was in love with.

 

      “Hello sister.” The younger vampire directed her words at her far older sibling, endearing the woman to turn on her heel and eye her.

 

      “Carmilla, darling. So glad to see you, you’re just in time.” There was barely concealed glee in the words and Laura frowned in suspicion mixed in equal parts with confusion.

 

      Carmilla had moved and now stood next to Laura, much to the brunette’s surprise and quiet elation. She furrowed her brow, now also feeling betrayed by her emotions. She wasn’t supposed to still feel anything for Carmilla, and she was bitter that she did when it was so clear Carmilla no longer did.

 

      Ignoring the stab in her heart, she looked at Mattie again. The woman was still grinning, her lips stretched back more in a fierce hunger than a smile.

 

      The younger vampire sighed before speaking in an unaffected tone. “How thrilling. And what am I just in time for Mattie?”

 

      Matska laughed once more and she tilted her head back in a superior act. “Why, my darling sister. You are just in time for me to follow through on my promise and kill the meddling journalism student.” The smile grew feral and the darkness in Mattie’s eyes intensified.

 

      Laura felt her breath hitch and she involuntarily shifted closer to Carmilla who had tried her hardest not to show anything, but the slight flash of fear in her eyes was of course picked up by her predatory older sister.

 

      “Carmilla. I am disappointed.” Mattie sighed and walked with a sway back towards the centre of the room where she stopped and spun on her heel to regard the two shorter women once again. “I had hoped that after your little falling out, you’d have gotten over your feelings for this child. It would seem that you have yet to learn your lesson little sister.” Mattie grinned with mirth and murder. “Don’t worry though. I think you’ll realize very soon that I am doing what’s best for you.”

 

      With that Mattie let her mouth hang open and her canine’s slowly extended, the light of the room glinting off the deadly instruments of either oblivion or immortality, whichever suited her whim. She slowly started to prowl towards Laura, while Carmilla stood stock still in front of Laura for a moment before a decision was made in her calculating eyes and she grabbed Laura. 

 

      The brunette tensed immediately and felt the tears behind her eyes once again threatening to break. The pain in her chest was tenfold, as the betrayal filling her multiplied at the perceived intent of the younger vampire. The betrayal then drained from her chest, weighing heavy in her bones and her extremities numbed as she simply felt nothing but fear as Carmilla’s arms wrapped around her. She tried to close her eyes to the sight around her but Laura couldn’t keep her eyes away from Mattie, they were glued to the teeth that she was sure were about to be buried in her neck, prepared to draw all the life from her small form.

 

      As Mattie drew closer, Carmilla said something that sparked the tiniest ember of hope in Laura’s soul.

 

      “No.”

 

      This stopped Mattie in her tracks and she narrowed her blackened eyes at Carmilla in either disbelief or fury. In actual fact, it was probably both. The older vampire growled and reached an arm out, grabbing onto whatever part of Laura she could reach, it turned out to be her denim clad arm.

 

      Laura was never as thankful for dressing in layers as she was in that moment as Carmilla pushed her to the side and wrenched her out of Mattie’s grasp, leaving the jacket in the enraged vampires hands. Laura stumbled slightly but stood in the doorway of the room, refusing to leave for the slight amount of hope that had been growing in her since Carmilla’s declaration against her sister.

 

      “Laura, leave now.” Carmilla stood between her and her sister, refusing to allow the older woman to get near the brunette.

 

      Always one to reject an order, Laura stayed where she was. She didn’t get the chance to respond as Mattie tried to feint past Carmilla to get to her, but instead she watched as Carmilla morphed before her eyes into her feline form, so black as to absorb any nearby light. The black cat leaped and cut Mattie off, knocking her to the floor beneath her with her gaping maw desperately reaching for the long column of skin decorating Mattie’s graceful neck.

 

      The much older vampire didn’t bother to change forms, but it hardly seemed to matter as her age bequeathed her increased strength and ability. Her hands were talon like and deadly. She reached one hand up to grip Carmilla’s neck in an iron grip, while the other tried to reach the soft underbelly of the black cat and disembowel her.

 

      She managed to scrape and draw blood before Carmilla roared deafeningly and swatted a great paw across the perfect face beneath her.

 

      Laura watched from the doorway, immobile and terrified. Carmilla was fighting for her. She was fighting her sister, the one person Laura had seen her show genuine affection for besides Laura. The pieces started to shift in her mind, and connections were being made as she watched on in horror as the two sisters who loved each other tore into each other with cold blooded intent.

 

      The two were circling each other now, Matska having managed to push Carmilla off long enough to stand. Two sets of eyes met in a way only sisters could, one set dark as the night, the other brilliant and yellow.

 

      Mattie suddenly smiled brilliantly at Carmilla, a true show of love and devotion, eyes sparkling with unshed tears. Carmilla’s eyes shuttered momentarily under the intensity of her love for her sister. As she tried to shake off her emotions, Mattie stifled her feelings with determination and lunged forward towards the younger vampire.

 

      Barely in time, Carmilla rolled to the side and Mattie narrowly missed her and now showing her back to Carmilla. Leaving her at a disadvantage to the black cat.

 

      Carmilla forced herself not to feel or notice Laura’s stricken expression as she leaped forward and quickly slashed her claws across the back of Mattie’s calves, spraying blood as the tendons snapped and Mattie crumbled underneath her own weight. She may have healing powers, but they wouldn’t be fast enough to put her back in control of the situation and her eyes showed this realization as she landed in a heap on her front. Her legs bled messily and they lay useless below the knee. Mattie turned her head to the side and she looked back at her little sister.

 

      Through her turmoil, Carmilla strode quickly forward and wrapped her jaw around the back of Mattie’s neck. Her position allowed her to look directly into her big sisters glassy eyes. Mattie smiled weakly and spoke to the only person she had truly loved throughout her long existence.

 

      “Carmilla. I lov-”

 

      With a jerk, Carmilla contracted the muscles in her jaw and she ripped upwards, pulling Mattie’s neck with her. Brutally severing the connection, leaving the decapitated head of her closest friend and confidant throughout her long and miserable life hanging from her bloody mouth by the ruined and once perfect neck.

 

      She dropped the burden from her teeth and breathed heavily for a long moment, still standing over the lifeless body of her big sister.

 

      Laura stood stock still in the doorway, eyes red and breath stuttering as she waited for Carmilla to come back. Without warning, the black cat shrank and instead knelt Carmilla, blood dripping down her plush lower lip and decorating the column of her throat. Laura held her breath and when Carmilla looked up at her the brunette’s heart broke with realization.

 

      “Oh my god, what did I do?” Tears were streaming down her face and she could barely breathe. “Carmilla, what did I do. Oh my god.” Guilt and realization flooded Laura’s body as she realized she had demonized Carmilla’s sister to the point where Carmilla had been forced to choose. And now she had killed her lifeline, her companion, her sister. For her. For Laura.

 

      The vampire’s eyes were empty although they freely spilled hot tears. After a few deep breaths, one caught in Carmilla’s chest and a sob tore out of a bloody and ripped body. 

 

      Neither women noticed the people standing in the other doorway behind the lounger, Danny, LaFontaine, Perry and JP had been witness to Carmilla’s loss of self once they heard her sadness fill the ancient halls of Carmilla’s mother’s home. Danny moved to go to Laura but Laf pulled her back and the other three guided her back to the kitchen where they wouldn’t be watching such a private moment. It felt wrong to watch.

 

      Laura covered her mouth with her hands as she fell to her knees and leant against the arch of the doorway, her eyes trained on Carmilla breaking down completely and entirely. Laura thought the pain in her chest was wrenching before, but now it was debilitation. Cold claws ripped at her soul and squeezed with unmatched force.

 

      More sobs were released from Carmilla as she dropped to her hands and let her forehead meet her sisters back, releasing all her anguish into the silk fabric in the form of her lifeblood through her tears. Her voice was strained and nothing else existed in that moment but for the broken and useless body beneath her. The body she had torn the life from. For someone who didn’t even love her.

 

      The emptiness she had held at bay for centuries crept from the shadows to overtake her heart. She was truly alone now. Her mother, Will, and now her sister were all gone. The guilt and self loathing continued to spread through her veins like a poison, touching and contaminating all parts of her. Nothing was spared.

 

      As Laura cried and watched the love of her life lose herself, she felt more guilt than she had ever thought possible and she cursed her own naivety and stubborn nature. Not only had Carmilla just killed her own sister, she had killed the last person she had a connection with that could have truly existed with her for the rest of her undead life.

 

      Now Carmilla was left with her. With the rest of her friends. All of whom she would outlive.

 

      The two women sat in abject sorrow, crying and cursing themselves until their eyes ran dry and their voices failed entirely.

 

      Then.

 

      They continued to sit, until one set of centuries old red and puffy eyes raised from a soft blouse, to meet the ones staring at her from across the room.

 

      Both injured.

 

      Both damaged beyond repair. 

 

      Together.

 

      But infinitely alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I am going to apologize again. I didn't even know I had that level of angst in me to be honest. Please comment and let me know your thoughts, or maybe even to tell me how much you hate me and want to scream at me. Vent away.
> 
> Love <3


End file.
